Tuesday, August 7, 2012

You may need ear plugs for this one.

AT WORK I WRITE SERVICE REQUESTS IN ALL CAPS. IT'S JUST THE SYSTEM WE USE. WHATEVS.

BUT THEN I FORGET TO TAKE MY KEYBOARD OFF CAPS LOCK AND BEGIN TO WRITE BLOG POSTS. I LOOK UP THREE SENTENCES LATER TO REALIZE WHAT I'VE DONE. THIS TIME I THOUGHT, TO HELL WITH IT! I'M JUST GOING TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS!

THEN IT DAWNED ON ME THE IMPLICATIONS OF SUCCUMBING TO THE DREADED CAPS LOCK CURSE.

IT STARTS WITH FORGETTING WHAT YOU'RE WRITING. IT'S JUST A CONSTANT YELL BEING PUT FROM FINGERS TO SCREEN. SPELLING ERRERS INCUR, BUT YOU DON'T NOTICE, BECAUSE EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE IT'S SPELLED INCORRECTLY.

THEN PUNCTUATION BEGINS TO LOSE IMPORTANCE. INSTEAD OF USING THE FULL STOP, EVERYTHING ENDS WITH AN EXCLAMATION MARK! WHICH SEEMS RATHER REDUNDANT WHEN EVERY WORD IS SCREAMING OFF THE PAGE ANYWAY!

THE REAL PROBLEM COMES WHEN THE CAPS LOCK VIRUS INFECTS YOUR COMPUTER. IT'S ALMOST AS IF THE KEY IS STUCK ON, AND NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE UNABLE TO TAKE THE CAPS LOCK OFF. YOU'VE HIT THE BUTTON NEARLY A HUNDRED TIMES, BUT THE LETTERS ARE STILL CAPITALIZED.

AT THIS POINT, THERE IS NO USE FIGHTING IT ANY LONGER. THE CAPS LOCK VIRUS HAS ALREADY TAKEN OVER YOUR COMPUTER AND WIPED CLEAN YOUR HARD DRIVE. IT WILL SEND ELICIT MESSAGES FROM YOUR EMAIL TO PEOPLE WHO AT ONE TIME THOUGHT BETTER OF YOU. PEOPLE LIKE YOUR GRANDMA AND YOUR IN-LAWS.

IT WILL TAKE OVER YOUR FACEBOOK AND CONTACT YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND. IT WILL GIVE HIM OR HER YOUR NEW PHONE NUMBER ASKING DESPERATELY FOR A PHONE CALL AT HIS OR HER EARLIEST CONVENIENCE.

THE VIRUS WILL THEN USE THE MAGNETICISM FROM YOUR COMPUTER TOWER AND REACH OUT TO SCRATCH ALL YOUR FAVORITE CDS THAT ARE SITTING INNOCENTLY ON YOUR DESK.

IT WILL LEAVE HALF-FULL GLASSES OF MILK ON YOUR COUNTER TO SOUR OVER NIGHT. IT WILL LEAVE ITS DIRTY SOCKS ON YOUR COFFEE TABLE. IT WILL LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP.

IT WILL SQUEEZE THE TOOTHPASTE TUBE FROM THE MIDDLE!

THIS IS SERIOUS, FOLKS. IF YOU DON'T FORWARD THIS TO AT LEAST 67 PEOPLE IN THE NEXT 14 SECONDS, YOU TOO WILL EXPERIENCE THE IRREVOCABLE CONSEQUENCES OF THE ALL CAPS VIRUS.

4 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    i love this. my mom used to accidently switch her texts into all caps and it seemed like she was yelling at me about the state of the weather in iowa or aggressively telling me how much she loved me (ps your profile pic is cute and innocent and oh so minnesota)
    xo
    lalei

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    Replies
    1. Oh Deb (Say that with a thick northern accent!).

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  2. My grandmother has also succumbed to this :) I thought I was in trouble for like five years...either that or her computer was broken.

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